The Imago Peace Project:
Strengthening Relationshipa Within the Community
Honoring Difference, Creating Connection, Dissolving Conflict
"I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it." — Dwight D. Eiisenhower
A Story from the Aztec People of Mexico
It is said by our Grandparents that a long time ago there was a great fire in the forests that covered our earth. People
and animals started to run, trying to escape from the fire. Our brother owl, Tecolotl, was running away also when he
noticed a small bird hurrying back and forth between the nearest river and the fire. He headed towards this small bird.
He noticed that it was our brother the Quetzal bird, Quetzaltototl, running to the river, picking up small drops of water
in his beak, then returning to the fire to throw that tiny bit of water on the flame. Owl approached Quetzal bird and
yelled at him:
"What are you doing brother? Are you stupid? You are not going to achieve anything by doing this. What are you trying to
do? You must run for your life!"
Quetzal bird stopped for a moment and looked at owl, and then answered: "I am doing the best I can with what I have."
It is remembered by our Grandparents that a long time ago the forests that covered our Earth were saved from a great fire by
a small Quetzal bird, and owl, and many other animals and people who got together to put out the flames.
Quoted in M.Wheatley (2001)
The Peace Project of Imago Relationships International was founded by an international group of Imago therapists and their
partners as a direct response to the devastation we felt in the aftermath of 9/11 and other expressions of hate and
discord in the world. No group, profession or institution comes in contact more directly with controversy and conflict
than Relationship Therapists (marriage counselors). We felt that through our work with couples we have learned something
both profound and powerful about what it takes to move from anger and conflict to understanding, connection and peace.
Gradually we developed a process for communication both within and between groups that makes possible connection and deep
understanding - even when extreme differences exist. We call this process communologue. Over the years, as a result of
the deep commitment and hours and hours of listening, experimenting and refining, communologue has grown and matured.
Communologue: A New Way to Listen
Communologue is a construct of the words "communicate" "community" and "dialogue". It is a method of
communication that enables individuals, couples and groups to discuss important and/or controversial issues within an
environment of safety and respect. Communologue invites participants to assume an attitude of responsibility, mindfulness
and commitment to the process. When principles of deep, empathic listening and thoughtful speech are practiced a safe and
respectful space is created. This communication process is based on the premise that discussions carried out in supportive
environments generate more productivity and conflict resolution than discussions based on win-lose principles.
Communologue is not a method for proving one right and the other wrong - but a process that helps transform
conflict into sharing and understanding. When individuals or groups seek reconciliation - safety and healing is enhanced; when decisions are needed - creative ideas and solutions flow; and, when cooperation is desired - cohesion and connection is formed. When people simply listen to each other, anything is possible! That is the beauty of Communologue.
I. Empathic Listening:
First and foremost be open to listen and receive whatever is said with respect, compassion and equanimity.
Respect:
1. Listen for the speaker's point of view; accept, respect and acknowledge the legitimacy of their perspective.
2. Allow for and attend to the tension resulting from differences and opposing needs. Look for creative alternatives that can emerge.
Compassion:
3. Understanding and compassion results in connection and healing.
4. Listen deeply, "with feeling" for the other. Honor and appreciate their feelings and attitudes.
5. Assume that the speaker's point of view makes sense to them and their experience is real for them, even before they speak.
6. When you hear something you don't like or find foreign, don't assume there is something wrong or flawed about the speaker.
Equanimity:
7. Remind yourself that what is being expressed is not a reflection of the whole or only truth, but simply another's opinion and experience.
8. While listening, suspend agreement and disagreement with what is said.
9. Develop an inner sense of silence, be patient and relax. Let the group process "ripen".
10. Suspend your emotional reactivity, stay in the "here and now".
II. Responding to the speaker:
"Mirroring" or "reflective listening" supports deep understanding and empathy.
III. Thoughtful Speech:
1. Seek your inner voice that has the greatest awareness and clarity.
2. Express your idea(s) by framing statements as "my perspective or my point of view". Use "I" language. Speak about your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs, and avoid speaking for the group or others.
3. Avoid expressing strong agreement and disagreement and trying to fix, correct or quickly problem solve.
4. Refrain from trying to overwhelm or convince the other(s) of your "rightness", position or convictions.
5. Speak in short(er) statements - one thought, idea or concept at a time.
6. Avoid character assassination, blaming, criticizing and judging.
7. Don't use MasterTalk, implying "there is one correct view and I have it!"
"Try with all your might - work very, very hard - to make the world a better place. But if all your efforts are to no avail - no hard feelings" — The Dalai Lama
In short, Communologue is a method of communication for individuals, couples and groups. It has been used
successfully in a wide variety of settings including within the Imago Community itself, in groups of Palestinians and
Israelis, in the Rwandan expatriate community comprising both Hutu and Tutsi representatives and in numerous other settings. Communologue can be a powerfully effective tool for any group which includes members with diverse backgrounds, needs and agendas including:
- Schools
- Community Groups
- Interfaith Groups
- Businesses
- Non-profit organizations
If you are interested in learning more about the Peace Project or in arranging for a consultation please contact us
at (215) 699-1238 or contact the main office of Imago Relationships International at (800) 729-1121.
"Shhh ... peace is listening."
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