Healing Childhood Pain — DNMS

“When wisdom transforms the senses, you will see and feel whose words fall away and whose remain inside you to guide.”  ~ Rumi

Negative Childhood Messages

DNMS - Healing the pain from negative childhood messages.As children we all receive messages from our parents and other caretakers that help us to define a sense of self. Some of these messages encourage us and help us to develop positive self esteem:

  • “Aren’t you pretty?”
  • “What a good job, I’m so proud of you!”
  • “You did the best you could, you’ll do better next time.”
  • “Go ahead, try out for the team, I’m sure you’ll make it.”

When we receive enough of these positive messages we develop a strong sense of self that enables us to handle challenges with confidence, try new ventures and risk connection with others in loving relationships.

Unfortunately there are often negative messages mixed in as well. For example, we might hear messages like:

  • “You’re such a looser!”
  • “How could you be so stupid?”
  • You’re a wimp, or a klutz, or a dumb jock!”
  • “Your needs aren’t important.”
  • “You never get anything right!”

If we receive these messages consistently over time, eventually we internalize them, so that we no longer need to hear them from others — we become experts at giving ourselves negative feedback.

The Effect on Us as Adults

As adults, these negative messages become part of our sense of self. We replay them constantly in our heads and after a while we believe them. We feel not good enough, unlovable, inadequate, afraid that we can’t handle life’s challenges and we become stuck in:

  • Dissatisfying jobs
  • Damaging relationships
  • Self-defeating behaviors

Healing the Emotional Damage from Negative Messages

Developed by Shirley Jean Schmidt, the Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy (DNMS) is a gentle approach to healing the damage done by these negative messages from childhood. By strengthening the positive, competent, nurturing aspects of our adult selves, the DNMS allows us to meet the emotional needs that were not met when we were children. As we begin to meet these universal needs for approval, nurturance, encouragement, and love the negative messages begin to melt. We stop feeling stuck and find ourselves free to access our natural birthright of strength, creativity and joy.

Please visit the The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy website for more information.

If you are interested in exploring whether the DNMS might be helpful for you feel free to contact us to set up an appointment.