Relationship Garden Blog

In Imago Relationship Therapy we often speak of creating intentional relationships.  I am often asked what this really means.  In it’s simplist sense an intentional relationship is one in which we are conscious of the many forces that are motivating and driving us and we make conscious choices about how to speak and act so that we may create the very best relationship we can.  What this means on a day to day basis is quite simple:

1.  Recognize and accept that you and your partner are different and experience the world differently.

2.  Take 100% responsibility for your own feelings, behaviors and choices.

3.  Do no harm in word or deed.

4.  Stretch yourself to try to understand your partner’s “world” and to meet their needs.

5.  Let go of trying to control the outcome of your conversations and trust the love and strength of your commitment to each other.

While it is not easy at first to act with intentionality, the more you do so the easier it becomes and you will begin to experience the rewards of greater trust, intimacy and growth as your relaitonship blossoms.

Thank you to my sister, Lucinda, for the beautiful quote below on what it means to embrace life with all our hearts.:

“So.  That’s how I resolved the question about what I wished to become notorious for at fifty.  Let it be for nothing more than harboring a wild amazement at life.  Let it be for choking up at poetry and the sight of human faces.  For falling into easy rapture over lilies and all the other run-of-the-mill marvels that make up life.  Let me become notorious for going around with my bridal veil tossed back and my mouth saying I do.  Renewing my vows with life.  Every day.  A hundred times a day.”
From “Firstlight” by Sue Monk Kidd