<< Back to Articles
Creating Safety in Relationships
The first step to building a passionate, intimate relationship is to create a safe space for your relationship to develop. Here are a few simple guidelines.
Relationship Behaviors To Avoid:
- Sarcasm
- Shame
- Blame
- Ignoring someone - "the silent treatment"
- Being the expert; taking an "I know better" attitude
- Dragging in past conflicts or events
- Name -calling
- Character put-downs
- Using questions to attack or criticize
- Criticism
- Holding grudges
- Involving others in your disagreements (friends, parents)
- Cursing
- Exaggerating and generalizing ("you always; you never")
- Threats
- Slamming doors, throwing things, slamming down or disconnecting phones
- Violence towards people or property
- Threats of separation or divorce
- Being wishy-washy - beating around the bush
- Refusing to discuss an issue (stonewalling)
Good Relationship Habits To Practice:
- Remember that we each see the world through different eyes
- Ask for a specific time to discuss difficult or painful topics
- State your concern briefly and clearly
- Use "I" statements
- Keep to one issue at a time
- Make limited, doable requests
- Listen carefully to the other person's point of view and let them know that their reality makes sense to you
- Give fair consideration to the other person's requests - stretch yourself!
- Always remember how precious the relationship is to you - this is someone you love!
|
